I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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