Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
