addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
