the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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