Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
