Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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