Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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