I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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