I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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