i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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