haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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