Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
