I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
