i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
