yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
