I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
