Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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