Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
