I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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