Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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