hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
