Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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