Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
