I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
