Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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