New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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