you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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