I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
