He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
