Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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