the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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