i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
