her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
