I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
