i jhust puked up my retainher.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
