oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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