Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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