Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
