the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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