I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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