Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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