I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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