Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
