The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
