Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
