Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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