Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
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i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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