My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
