the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
