You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
