brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
