I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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