I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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