Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
