Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
