you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The struggles of a small town man whore
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
