it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
