Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
3 2 1 whiskey
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
