Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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