this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
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I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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