someone threw a dead crab at me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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