if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize