Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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